Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Cabbage Soup Series: Day Three

Day 3: Eat all the Cabbage Soup, fruits and veggies you’d like, but NO baked potato.

Fruits AND Vegetables? Gee it’s like Christmas, I feel so spoiled! Thank goodness the desk goodies are back – I’m stocked full of raisins, dried mango, watermelon and blueberries. Ahhhh, nature’s candy. I have to say, though, I am really starting to become repulsed by water. Eight glasses a day is a bit of a high standard if you ask me.

Today the temptation came in the form of a super-saving deal. A Sam’s Club representative came to work with five layer chocolate cake, pizza, candy and gift cards for joining the Club. Go fuck yourself, Sam’s Club. I bet if Costco were here they would have brought leafy greens. Pounds of it.

I’m not experiencing any sort of hunger pains, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t sell my first born for a bowl of Mac n’ Cheese right now. Still, both my morale and demeanor seem unaffected. I thought at the very least the lack of my morning cup of coffee would have me shaking in the fetal position, cradling my throbbing head. However, I did have problems sleeping the night before. After about two hours of pleasant slumber I was awoken either by my own stomach cramps or my partner in dieting/roommate’s (check her veggie blog, yo). Either way we had a few late night passings in the hallway on the way to the restroom.

Once that seemed to settle, I was kept awake the rest of the night with jitters similar to a caffeine buzz. Of course these energy bursts come at 4:30 in the morning when there is nothing else to do but ponder life’s mysteries and dig a philosophical whole so deep you’ll never want to crawl out. Good thing there is watermelon at the end of this tunnel today.

Throughout the day, the vegetarian and I compared notes:

Wow, poor girl! Our hypothesis was that her being a vegetarian, she would have a walk in the park during this ordeal compared to me. Not so the case today (as of early afternoon). So far my only complaint is my extremely dry eyeballs.

But as the day wore on, so did my attitude. Motivation lost. Mind starting to wander. Energy low. Nothing life-hindering, and all symptoms could be attributed to my lack of sleep. More fruit. More soup. MMmmmmm. I treated myself at lunch by adding some crushed red pepper to the day’s rations, a little extra kick I needed. Then something horrible happened, just after lunch. I returned to my desk, rather full of spicy, cabbagey goodness, and time just stopped. My anxiousness and irritability heightened. My extremely strenuous job as a Director of First Impressions (ahem, receptionist) began to suffer as I answered the phones with “Thank you for calling Everest College, now what the fuck do you want?!??”

Socializing on my lunch break.

I watched as the hand on the wall clock went from barely moving forward to actually ticking backwards. Thoughts – horrible ones – entered my mind…dare I say…cheat? I’m so flippin bored it is only natural all my thoughts would revolve around food. Luckily my ill-intentions are being driven by boredom more than cravings, but dag nabit, that Twizzler Pull n’ Peel looks like an awfully good time. I avert my eyes from that stupid, ugly candy jar that sits on my desk. I hate that stupid, ugly thing. I don’t care if it is for visitors and students of Everest College; it is in my line of sight and therefore must be destroyed.

But I still can’t shake that 2 o’clock feeling. Not even at 4 o’clock (though I supposed 4 o’clock is my 2 o’clock on a 10-8 schedule). So I did it. I wouldn’t call it a cheat, just a lil’ boost. Kind of like steroids in major league baseball…totally acceptable.

I swear I only took half of a half serving.

Moving forward with no regrets, I ended the night with some more fruit crap mixed with vegetable crap and topped with misery.

Total loss at the end of Day 3: 2.2 lbs. Only 7.8 to go (did I just set a goal?), and 4 days to do it.

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